From beneath the Tower

“O brave new world with such people in it!” – Miranda The Tempest

Personal observations I have had in the 48 hours since commencing my biggest adventure yet:

1. Don’t fly economy internationally unless your grandest wish is to feel like a sardine.
2. When a flight offers free booze there will be people who abuse the privilege.
3. Having you’re phone enabled to call internationally and actually having a signal while there are two entirely different things.
4. Jet lag is amazingly easy to get over if you just don’t sleep on the plane ride over.
5. 5 locks to get from the street to the inside of your flat is normal here.
6. I cannot operate those said locks while jetlagged despite my past occupation of being part time locksmith.
7. You couldn’t pay me enough to drive through these streets.
8. London resembles a last minute art project, building wise. Everything’s sort of hodgepodged together with hopes that the teacher is paying more attention to the grand idea then the details.
9. People actually use the term knackered here. One day I hope someone will tell me something and it won’t have to pass through three different filters for me to get their actual meaning.
10. The fashion here ranges from posh designer labels to hobo chic with the average Londoner looking like they dressed in the dark. Most are successful, but the ones that aren’t are really fascinating.
11. The tube is actually fairly easy to navigate OR getting lost on the subway so much in New York is finally working in my favor.
12. Original Victorian hard wood floors are cold in the morning.
13. The cemetery on the way to school looks like the one out of a Muppet Christmas Carol. I half expected Michael Caine to be wandering around with Gonzo and Rizzo.
14. Hasn’t rained a drop since I’ve landed.
15. No matter where you go in the world, there will always be a starbucks.

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I'd rather be flying a TARDIS

“Leap and the net will appear” – Robin Williams The Crazy Ones

Jet setting is hard work, y’all. I’m writing this while sitting in the San Francisco Airport about an hour an a half before boarding my 12 hour flight to London, England where I will have a cab waiting to whisk me away to my wonderful new flat and I will meet a unicorn on the way who will introduce me to Robert Downey Jr. (Who would just so happen to be in London at the time) and we would have amazing adventures (Me, Rob, and the unicorn) and it will be epic….

Ok, so I may or may not be exaggerating the adventure that is my life…. I have to go through customs first after all. And we all know customs won’t let you take delusions of grandeur over international borders. 

 

Really though I’m sitting here, desperately charging all of my electronics in hopes they won’t die on the flight, trying to let it sink in. I have been an emotional lightening rod since Wednesday. I got weepy at the thought that I drove 1-84 for the last time in a long while today. I HATE I-84 and its teeth gritting, foam at corner of mouth inducing traffic, and yet there I was in the front seat with tears falling down my face. 

My life has been full of serious “goodbye”, “see you later”, “go knock ‘em dead”’s for about two weeks now and it’s coming home to roosts. I’ve cried more in the last two weeks then the last 4 years and that’s saying something because I graduated from undergrad only a year ago.

On the other hand, I’m so incredibly excited. I have a hard time keeping still as my body so desperately aches to be there already! I’ve been waiting since February to go and do and dare. Now that I get to… Now that I am, I find myself tripping over my own two feet, which shouldn’t be surprising if you know me. 

 

It brings me back to one of the first lessons I learned in view pointing as an actor. For those not in the know viewpoints (In a really unfair brief summary) is about learning and building movement performances as an ensemble that requires complete openness to environmental and interpersonal cues. The hardest part of a viewpoint exercise is… the beginning. Because how do you make an ensemble piece if one person starts it? Eventually our professor told us to stop thinking and to “go before you’re ready”. 

Now I know he was quoting his mentors, but that’s really the life lesson I’m taking with me right now. This next year for me is about being open to lessons. Lessons I’ll love. Lessons I’ll hate. I have no idea what I’m in for this year besides what I’ve read. 

Am I scared? Undoubtedly.

Am I in for the ride of a life time? Absolutely.

Am I going to hate it so much at times I will want to quit? Goes without saying, really.

Will that stop me? I’d like to see them try.

I’m going before I’m ready. I’m jumping on the count of 3… Ok... 1…2…

 

…3…

Don't let the venn diagram get you down

“When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you.” - Lao Tzu 

The biggest pratfall to fall into as an actor is in comparing yourself with your peers. It is the surefire trap I walk into again and again, and the industry is set up so these little mines are everywhere. From who you train with to who you meet in the audition room to people you probably will never meet or work with in your life. The temptation to compare your life path that those that surround you is so overwhelming that you could be doing it even unconsciously. 

Example: I watched the Oscars about a week ago, like most other young women without a date on a Sunday night. 

I have never wanted I man purely for his looks but if the shoe fits...

I watched Jennifer Lawrence win her Oscar for her performance in Silver Linings Playbook, and only on her second nomination. She is 22. The exact same age as me. In fact she is ONLY a month older than me. 

…

I’ll let that sink in for a minute. I could very easily throw a hissy fit about how life is unfair and how I could give just as engaging or fun a performance as her if given the chance (Hint: I did). But here’s the thing, Jennifer Lawrence and I are on completely different career paths. I mean, would I like to win an Oscar? Yeah! But do I have the film experience she has? Not yet. 

On the other hand would you ever catch Jennifer spouting Shakespeare both onstage and in vineyards and such? More than likely not. Would she like to give it a try? I can’t honestly say… But I would pay good money to see her give it a try. 

Welcome to my world...

The point? I’ve used Jennifer as an unfair example, but the point remains the same. There are times when I get really sad and depressed when I try to compare myself to those around me. Those that I went through my sequence with. Those whom I’ve met though my various auditions. Even people who are NOT actors, like at all. I’m talking people I see at the grocery store. THE DEEP FUNK CAN GO THAT PETTY PEOPLE!

To combat this though, some very important people have kept my head on straight. They have pointed me back to the work that I am focusing on and the things I can control. I will be a major part of a production this summer, I get to work with some amazing people in multiple companies, I am cape diem-ing the heck out of every opportunity that comes at me. Will the Oscar dream ever come true… I honestly don’t know. But I do know that when that audition or performance chance comes a knocking I will already be mid pounce.

 

Oh, and just to clarify, I adore Jennifer Lawrence. I think anyone that can be that funny/grounded AND have the talent to back it up it my kind of person. So Jen have your people call my people, and let’s do lunch. 

Cheers!

Tamara

Things I have done instead of blogging...

1. Slept
2. Stared wistfully out my window
3. Worked in a retail hardware store
4. Ate far too many girl scout cookies
5.  Dressed up for Halloween
6. Celebrated Thanksgiving
7. Celebrated Christmas
8. Celebrated New Years
9. Resented Valentines day
10. Closed the season at The Oregon Shakespeare Festival
11. Moved back in with my folks in Portland to save money
12. Went to New York City
13. Auditioned for Grad Schools
14. Filmed an independent film
15. Filmed two Public Service Announcements for Clackamas county
16. Signed with an agent in Portland
17. Auditioned for a bunch of Shakespeare companies in Portland
18. Read many many MANY plays
19. Did some acting coaching
20. Started writing more
21. Started working on some plays
22. Made a budget
23. Abandoned budget
24. Grumpily went back on budget
25. Participated in a 3 person flash mob in times square
26. Cleaned my room
27. Was cast in a show for this summer (Will tell you what it is when I've signed all the papers)
28. Did the laundry
29. Had callbacks at two grad schools I was convinced I would never see the inside of in my life
30. Did the dishes
31. Started working on a web series
32. Found and have had many drinks at a Doctor Who themed bar in Portland
33. Cut my hair
34. Dyed my hair
35. Ate some delicious food
36. Ate some ok food
37. Snuggled my cat
38. Drank a LOT of coffee
39. Drank even more tea
40. Saw a good majority of the Oscar nominated films
41. Re-started my voice lessons
42. Took a few naps
43. Got lost on the subway far too many times
44. Bought new shoes
45. Wore some fabulous dresses
46. Started planning my future career moves
47. Considered giving it all up and running away with the circus
48. Realized that the above plan was silly because I have no circus skills
49. Firmly abandoned circus plans upon remembering the the clown's native habitat is the circus
50. ... etc.

If you read that entire list, Congratulations! You are far to invested in my life. I hope to get back into the swing of blogging and writing some actual advice posts as we move on forward. I want to be as clear as I can as I make different career moves and invite y'all into my process of becoming a full fledged actor.

With that said I hope to spend the next few posts about my adventures in New York City and my search for a grad school. So stay tuned!

Cheers!

Tamara